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*Isn't it awful, most of the summer I didn't post anything because I barely did anything. Between too little sleep and way too much heat and humidity just functioning took every spoon I had. Now the temperature is better but this week has only been so so because it's so friggin' muggy again. I don't get it. But it's nice to feel like I am making some progress.

*First big long-term goal tackled is making a vet appointment for the cats. I am a bad cat mama who has not taken them once since I got them. But they are also fully indoor cats now so I am not quite as worried. The other stalling was that I had planned to take them to the vet all the other family cats had seen. But my friend G mentioned they did not have a good rep (I guess that is a newer thing) and I remembered there is a vet much closer to my house. Originally they were going to go in this Friday but emergency has led to a reschedule for next week. Next, and by that I mean tomorrow, going to call a PCP practice not too far from my house and hopefully find me a new doctor. And, Gods willing, one who might be willing to listen to me and not dismiss my problems with a stereotype.

*Instead of the vet trip, a post from [profile] vinlandlongship reminded me they were coming back to port and I could see the ship! Siduri and I are going on Friday, along with a visit to Pandora's Box.

*The early semester rush is definitely done. Work should be a quiet thing tonight. I have some ordering to do for a collection, and the student working tonight has a lot of scanning ahead. One of our students is visually impaired so we will scan larger amounts of text for him. In this case, it's a 200 page book. All legal thanks to ADA.

*And speaking of books, I am working on improving my reading speed again. (You know someone has serious fatigue/exhaustion when reading enjoyable material can wipe them out.) Right now I am going back and forth between The Celts by Barry Cunliffe (145 pages of text) and Irish Paganism by Morgan Daimler (77 pages of text). My goal is to read a chapter of each a day, meaning both will be done long before the month ends, Gods willing.
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Now, to explain the subject: I'm Kemetic Orthodox and by our temple calendar, yesterday was the last day of the year. I feel like I spent most of it just struggling to keep my head above water. But now we are in the time between time and the new year does not begin until August 3. I'm going to our annual Retreat this year, and I need it more than words can express. I just need to pack, meet with my new cat sitter, and get to the airport this weekend.

I want to thrive again, not just scramble trying to keep the essentials in my life from going under. On Saturday I'll be 42 and would like to spend the year feeling a little more like the answer and less like a question.

The state of the world, especially my country, has me in fear. True fear. I struggle enough without that potential hanging over my head and I hope to everything it does not drop down come November.
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Yesterday I was supposed to see Parliament Funkadelic play a free concert downtown. The weather did not cooperate, in that there was massive rain in the middle of the day and around the time I planned to go out for pre-show dinner the atmosphere outside was oppressive. No way was I going to enjoy the show with that much weight in the air.

Then I woke up this morning, and not long after I was listening to the news on NPR I was checking Facebook to see if two of my friends in Orlando were still alive. (They are, dua Nejter.) I can't say much of anything coherent right now and to be honest I should just stay off FB for the rest of the day. My head and my heart hurt so much and I feel scared.

and that's all for now.
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I may have binge watched the entirety of Avatar: the Last Airbender during the past week.

Okay, yes I did. And when I went to the maul on Sunday (oh yeah I went to mall because I was all out of face lotion and Lush store to rescue) I stopped in at FYE and bought the Avatar seasons I did not have, along with the entire run of Legend of Korra.

I regret nothing. And have started binging on Korra.

Also, while going to the maul on Sunday I got stuck in traffic for 20 minutes. Wanna know why? People were ogling a dead doe on the side of the road. Really, people?! (And Gods I wish I were a hunter and knew how to field dress because then less waste.)

Then there was another dead doe on the way home, right before the exit to my house. Dafuq?

Another also: air quality was atrocious this weekend. So bad that my allgeries have been so horrid and ongoing that I called out today. Had trouble with breathing, and therefore sleeping, last night.

(I also need to remember to post things here after eljay. Someday my brain just might work well again.)
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A quick post so I note down stuff and things before they get too far past me.

I have to do jury duty tomorrow. Which means I have to be out of the house before 7.45am. (BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!) Which means I should make food tonight I can eat in the morning. Which also means I should go to bed a lot earlier, when my body hasn't quite shifted sleep patterns. I am working days this week and next because it's spring break and the library is not open at night. The hope is that I will get in bed around 10pm. The hope for tomorrow is that I will sit around reading for a few hours then be told to leave, like the last time I did this. *hopes!*

Paganicon is this weekend, spent last Saturday in NYC, paid for it most of Sunday, and lost last night due to too little sleep Sunday night. Need to expand on that stuff in the next day or so. Will do my best!
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Oh, the nights when work is so quiet you make it through All The Things and have almost 2 hours before you can go home.
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Yesterday, this was my kitchen. And today, it is this. I love it, but I've also felt a little off all afternoon and can't seem to rouse myself to do anything. I mentioned this to Mandy (for the new people, best friend over 20 years) and she nailed what I kinda suspected. There's a new feel to the house because I bought these appliances. It's the first time I'm really changing the house since it became mine and investing in it. And I didn't think it would be such a change but Gods it IS. I'm about to push myself up to do some dishes, feed the cats, then head out for dinner. And hopefully keep moving when I get back home.
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I suppose I should start sending eljay entries over here, huh?


Dec. 17th, 2013 10:07 am
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I am probably going to stay silent here until the new year because of reasons, which some of you are about to learn. Hoping to get back on the writing horse in full next year.

My mother passed away last month on Veteran's Day, after battling with cancer on and off for a few years. I've been off work since then, will be returning in January. My best friend came up for a month with her one year old daughter, which was the best medicine for me. My beloved also came up for a week at the beginning of the month, and it's now been a week that I have had the house just to myself. Still feel sad, very sad in fact, but I am starting to adjust. I have a lot of support in the area and have just been busy every day handling all her end of life stuff: contacting people and dealing with the financial and legal stuff. Let me tell you all, my mom did about 90% of the work possible on all these fronts, and yet I STILL have literal and metaphorical piles to handle. I'm hoping to have them done before Yule. Good thing, perhaps, that today is a snow day. I can't really go out anywhere anyway so I may as well do all the work I need to into the house.
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This week, I give thanks for:
*Chairs. Especially the new bar chair I put together over the weekend to go in the kitchen. (yes, even with the fact that it taxed my limited reserves to put it together. Payoff=worth it!) There is something nice about being able to sit to prep food, especially when one is tired or weary.
*Pearl Jam. And 8 days until I see them again.
*Good nights of sleep.
*Documentaries on Youtube. My current "get me through work with a smile on my face" plan. Also, why can't we get channels just showing quality documentaries like this, and NOTHING ELSE? Seriously, people.
Today's selection, A Renaissance Education.
*Harry Potter.
*Having my needs met enough not to worry about them, and good people in my life.

I consciously commit to:
*Continuing to go to bed earlier and resting.
*Tonight, finalizing my plans for the weekend.
*Remembering both the series and fun sides of life.
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NPR has an opening for a librarian position. Avoiding a comment about their hiring right now when also doing a 10% staff cut... HELS YEAH I WOULD TAKE THAT POSITION!

So yes, I need to get on that horse. Again. And this time stay there.
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Yesterday I did my regular contribution for Pagan Activist.

Today it's on the Wild Hunt.

Commence giddy geeky white girl dancing.


Sep. 13th, 2013 09:02 am
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Icon (note: on eljay it's a spider web with autumnal colors in the back because I am still too lazy to put more icons here) is in honor of the fact that outside my bedroom window this morning there is a HUGE spider web, guessing from an orb weaver. And kudos to [personal profile] greygirlbeast who posted about them, otherwise I'd still be clueless to their identity.

My cycle of having sleep issues during transitional seasons continues, only now with a new twist. I can go to sleep without much issue, but I wake up LONG before my alarm and stay awake for a while. The leg cramps did not help much with that last night either. So I got some coffee and felt like listening to this song would be a good idea.

And note to self: you have now learned a lesson. While you're still recovering from your thyroid and adrenal problems, you cannot push too much. Otherwise you're going to be susceptible to getting sick and your energy levels will plummet.
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1. Note to self: when going on OKCupid feels more like a chore and something you can put off for over a week, that's a sign you're not doing so well there right now. Looks like I am going to get contact no matter what. I don't need to reply to everyone who passes the spelling test.

2. Cruddy weather day. Temperature outside is up, as is the rain level and humidity. While it's nice not to be chilly at work (was yesterday) I also don't appreciate the imminent resumption of the melting feeling.

3. Fighting to keep from getting sick it seems. S is out, though she popped in twice yesterday. And she did *not* look well. Poor lady.

4. I've decided to reread some of the later stories in the Black Jewels 'verse. At first it was just going to be Dreams Made Flesh and Twilight's Dawn (story collections) but now I am thinking I should add Tangled Webs (where we get some great Tersa moments) and Shadow Queen and Shalador's Lady (the latter of which has an extra special place in my heart for reasons of ego). [community profile] writerverse has a challenge to do a survey as a character and I want to fill it out as Jaenelle. Plus I have not re-read any of those.
Did read the first story in DMF last night, which deals with some of the creation of the Blood. And also read parts of The High Lord's Daughter in Twilight's Dawn and every portion made me cry. Reasons.

4a. My current book is Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor. She may be my personal author discovery of the year. Incredible storyteller. I read Who Fears Death during my NYC and understood quickly why it won the World Fantasy Award. Most recommended.
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Knees are a little better this morning but I did not enjoy the walk as I usually do. Brought an ice pack to work so I can use it during the day as I need to.

For the first time in over a year I am wearing pants at work. Both as a desire to change up the wardrobe and my pants becoming too small, I switched over to full time wearing skirts and dresses on the job. But last weekend I bought some new pants. Between realizing it's going to be a while before I might drop the weight and the potential of another cold winter, new pants seemed like a good idea.

My original idea of going to the state pagan pride day tomorrow is not going to happen. It wasn't already because I did not want to push myself too hard but now I just want to be off my feet as much as I can for the next few days. And perhaps I will have the energy to go out tomorrow night. What a thought. I have not been out to a club thing since March. Need some of that.

If things work out well, much writing will happen tonight. I also need to upload some pdfs into the Kindle. Going to be participating in a blog hop for a publisher of woo woo books I have been enjoying.

Oh hey

Sep. 6th, 2013 09:47 am
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Anyone have recommendations for some good communities around DW?
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The Legend of Korra starts up again next Friday at 7pm. Woohoo!
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*I came in to work this morning to an email about another nasty computer virus going around. It's an "update" of the one which I got hit with a few years ago and has just gotten worse. Sigh.

*There's a mayoral election in Moscow this weekend. I wonder if anyone is taking bets on eljay access in the coming days.
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Yesterday I did something I have not done in years.
Something I've been daydreaming about doing for months.

I did strength training. One round of bicep curls on both sides with my resistance band* and three perfect push-ups against the kitchen counter.

In the grand scheme of things this may not be much. For someone who's been dealing with fatigue and exhaustion for over two years, this is a major breakthrough. It means I am healing for real.

*And not a light one either.


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