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I'm still lacking on reading here but it just needs to become a habit again.

What is it about January 1 that makes it so easy even to start making a change? I woke up today feeling revitalized. Break this year was also nice, as I didn't travel anywhere so I could just be at home and have several days of rest. This year it was indeed a recharge. Now I need to figure out how to approach this year.

Events of note for 2018:
*Got on the right dose of thyroid medication so I can function again
*Made wonderful new friends
*Left behind a 20+ year friendship because too much work with too much bullshit in exchange isn't worth it.
*Made a few more steps toward making this house truly *mine*.
*Gained a housemate.

And most of all, I may be starting to get sight of what my life is going to look like now with better health on multiple fronts.

Next up, tweaking the reading lists, which means I would be glad to have recommendations of people to follow.
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Because my last eljay post was mostly about eljay. Summation being I did pay for another year on there so I better use it. Now with people migrating from Tumblr to here I am thinking it might be worthwhile to put some money in on this side as well.

Doing some catch-up reading here tonight and still pondering what kind of stuff to write. Twitter is much easier because it is made for short bursts.
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Today was better in terms of it not being rainy, so I didn't want to sleep away the day. Watching various political results come through has been both spirit raising and infuriating. Lots more work to do, especially as the party in power tries all they can to consolidate more. Just have to keep on working and living and do what we can to keep it from fucking up our lives.
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Held my nose for doing my civic duty. Before the next big election I need to remove myself from the D side and get myself set up as a card-carrying socialist. Other than that, nothing. A second day of rain translated into me doing my best sloth impressions.
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Because while I slept well again, and got a lot of stuff done around the house before work... then left to come to work this afternoon and felt the rain and air pressure and wanted nothing more than to take a nap instead of driving. I've spent this whole day focused first and foremost on staying awake and focused. But no question that I will sleep wonderfully tonight.
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First, here is me on Halloween!

I took a peek back at my last real entry back in December, and whoa there have been changes. But the summation from last year: I got initiated in Vodou and finally got a formal diagnosis of hypothyroidism. I credit both for improving my health, but considering the thyroid was probably an issue my whole life, it's taking time to fix. Back in December I got my medication switched from Unithroid to Synthroid, and while both are apparently the same core compound, whatever surrounds Synthroid does a whole lot more good for me. Then in May I got my dosage upped and WOW. I'm still not "better," but my good days are more frequent and I don't have to have the ADHD-style executive dysfunction crash to get out of having bad to worse days. I have another check up in December and might see if I can get another boost in dosage.

Still working in the library, still enjoying it, and taking on more responsibility as my boss now only works 3 days a week. Second year of phased retirement, she'll be done working come June 1. I am eying the position but also going to get back on the horse of looking for new jobs. I want more money, I can admit it. And now my physical health isn't the same sort of obstacle.

Cats remain grand.

MY friend S visited back in July and stayed with me for part of the time. Then in August she moved back here and has been living with me most of the time since. She has adjunct teaching positions at two schools here, and she enjoys both but the administration is dicking her around in one case. Thankfully she already is set up for another definite teaching gig come spring semester, should she not get rehired somewhere. Makes me glad I never went that route of Ph.D. land.

Various highlights of the year:
Wardruna in February
Paganicon in March
Masada showcase in April... oh let's be real, I got to see Secret Chiefs 3 again and it was glorious. And after the show we all hung out in the bar below the theatre and have fun.
A good summer with the student workers, which was the polar opposite of the summer of 2017
Retreat for the House of Netjer in August
Saw Hello Dolly later in August, which was as much for my mom's spirit as for me, as I saw the revival leads: Bette Middler and David Hyde Pierce.
Getting things more in track with the home and, Gods willing, will make even more headway before the year ends.

Not going anywhere for the holidays because.... well anything I say here will be extra extra bitchy and I'd rather not. I am already figuring out what I want to do during that week and it will be nice to generally have all that time just for me.

So I guess that is the highlight reel then. Tomorrow I'll make sure to reply to comments from the last few days. Also I am posting both on eljay and Dreamwidth because I can.
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Draining week, was so tired. Real post later today.

*dusts off*

Nov. 1st, 2018 09:02 pm
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I have been reading sporadically of late but still can't get myself to post. I saw a friend of a friend say they were challenged to post daily for the month of November. And I thought that was a good idea so I am going to do the same. I need to avoid fb for a while even if my timeline doesn't have any arseholes posting garbage. It's just too much and I need to do other things.

Hi.

(also I undid the automatic cross-posting from eljay a while ago so I will hopefully remember to paste in here.)
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I'm in Florida for the holidays with [profile] mandyann and her brigadefamily and posted this to fb a little while ago.

Now that the mad dash to be here, get presents, and do all the things has passed, I have a little breathing room.

First off, 5 days with new thyroid meds and yes I feel a difference. What's awesome is it is a change for the better once again. I feel a little more energetic and wanting to get up and do things. The real test will be if I feel this way in my house. (which is going to get a thorough spiritual cleaning for the new year.)
[profile] mandyann pointed out something I hadn't realized, since it's always been that way: that I've always been some measure of low energy even when I want to go out and conquer the world. Which again reinforces for me that my endocrine system has been an issue my whole life. Alas it was never enough to register on any test and get something done about it before my 40s.

Second, I cannot wait for 2018 to arrive. I pray it becomes the year when I DO the things I talk about for previous years.

Third, may I be more social next year, both offline and on. There are several people of you here who I like to see posting but have not interacted with so much and want to change that. And the people in my area, I want to see more of you all. Unstable Unicorns nights must become a thing.

and fourth, for here, one of my goals for the next year is posting to lj/dw at least once a week and comment more. Most of my spoons have been focused on just keeping myself going. I skipped reading a lot over the summer for various reasons and need to bring back the habit.
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Yep. Either I'm just going through the day to day and don't think it's worth writing about, or things happen and everything gets overwhelming and the mere idea of writing a post is too much.

Right now it's the latter, as I had an incident last Tuesday. I was upstairs shelving in our topic-specific room, because we could finally use the elevator again to get books up there and we didn't have people to spare for shelving. I managed to get every book on the shelf and was coming down the stairs, when my foot did not hit the last stair right and it happened. My knee went out and I fell to the floor.

To explain: I've had knee problems since I was 10. Of the sort where if I didn't step right or the planets just lined up wrong, one kneecap would go out and then snap right back in. But that sucker HURTS when it happens. And it happened a lot in my teens. Finally when I was 23, I went to my doctor at the time and got a referral to get my knees scanned and maybe figure out why this kept happening. Turned out that my kneecaps were each a little off where they should normally be, by about 1/4 inch. And it turned out that every time a knee would go out, it would cause cartilage to build up on the back of my kneecaps. This is how I was a 20something diagnosed with osteoarthritis. But as I progressed through my 20s, and finally learned things like exercises to strengthen my quads would help stabilize my knees, the last time this happened was in 2000 or maybe 2001. Until last week. But unlike all those previous times, I did not have school or people claiming I was faking (yeah because kids know how to make one joint swell up on command), I could do the radical thing and take time off to let my knee recuperate. I still felt bad about doing so because we're understaffed this summer and my boss was (and is) out on vacation, but I was not about to walk down the 9 steps to get to the garage to get myself to work and suffer for 8 hours from awful discomfort. I still have a mild limp and the act of bending my knee is one that my leg isn't too thrilled about, but otherwise I'm fine.

Sunday I went with Siduri* to a talk on beverages in colonial New England which was fun. Got a book out of it with many recipes we'll be trying out in the coming months. I also got a copy for a friend of mine out west who I will hopefully see next week and he should love it.

Oh yeah I'm traveling again next week. Time for the annual House of Netjer retreat, now in Portlandia, where we may be slaying an artisinal snake** this year. The Kemetic year has been falling apart hard around me, the hardest since right before I became a shemsu ten years ago. Considering that the last time things got dramatically better soon after the spiritual year started, I am praying I will have the same happening again.

And last night I went to my first ever trivia night with my friend Jen. We came in fourth our of 8 or 9 teams, so this may need to happen again before I have to go back to working nights.

Oy this next week is going to be busy... the house needs more cleaning, I have to pack, oh, and turn 43 on Sunday...

*I forgot how to tag people on DW, help

**A snake cake. Since we'll be where we will be, I am betting the cake will have an artisinal flair.
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First, yes I did survive my initation. Quite well in fact, because I am a full fledged hounsi now. I made it through, learned even more about myself and my now djevo twin (having only two people initiate is rather rare and as twins are something of a big deal in ATR, we've been dubbed twins), and got through my taboo period without messing up TOO much. I keep having periods of wanting to talk about it and others of not sharing a thing. Some I am not allowed to share but some I can. I may blog about it but will need to check on what is OK for the public.

I am also seeing some of the results, as I am able to ask for things from the initiation. Most of them were health-related, unsurprisingly. I'm still a little shocked to see them happening so fast.

Anyway, I've been sorely absent here, both in posting and commenting, but I am working on it.

The first big happening of the spring was I FINALLY GOT THYROID MEDICATION. My levels were just barely into hypo range, but I had over half the symptoms. And as several years of holistic help had only produced so many results, my RN prescribed them. Within a week I could feel a massive difference. And not just me. A week after I started them I was at my usual lunch spot on a Saturday. The woman who runs the yoga studio in my neighborhood was there. She's known me for a long time, as in long before I got knocked down. She looked at me for several moments and said "you look so much better." Hemet said the same thing when I saw her last month. And they were right. I ended up asking for a bit of a bump in dose after several weeks because I had gotten rather absentminded once I started on the first dose. What I am on now seems to be doing the trick. This Friday I'll go in for bloodwork to make sure I am not in hyperthyroid territory, but I doubt that is happening. If it is, and I still feel like this (kinda hypo) there's something more going on. But I'd rather not live through something like an episode of House.

what has also kept me from interacting here has been my move back to daytime hours for the summer. Usually with my boss behind me I don't want to be scrolling any sort of social media. Her desk is right behind mine. But she is on vacation now, and the queue runs light once I clear it out in the morning.

There's a surprising learning curve which comes from having major improvement with chronic illness. I still need to regain my stamina, which is a process something like long term physical therapy. My starting point is walking around at work more and remembering to elevate my feet when I am home, along with better hydration. I also need to retrain my brain because all the old hacks and such I used to manage my ADD are gone. Bullet journals are great, save for the bad days I still have and either forget to reference it or just can't manage a thing. And that's the last tough item on the list: compassion for myself. That one is getting a little easier post-initation and taboo period. Strange thing but I am not going to think about it too much.

Otherwise, life is life. I need to remember I have both DVDs along with streaming media I'd like to watch. Tiny spots in the house are getting better. The (Kemetic) year is ending so I have to keep that in mind all month. Oh and I'll be 43 in 25 days.

The two big tasks for the month are to make my brain focus enough to start working on my hieroglyphs study once again and awaiting the first sau lesson.

(and for DW, I still don't want to link the two accounts for whatever reason but I am going to work on updating both.)
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So I feel like I have some business writing a post.

1. I saw a podiatrist today. Been having some issues with a toe and now that I have a PCP I can get referrals for this sort of thing. The problem turns out to be irritation from ingrown toenails. Things Were Done, which, while minor, might squick some so I will leave out details. But said toe is now wrapped up and has the potential to fix itself up from the ingrowns. Also I feel a sense of relief that I did not somehow do this to myself.

2. Friday I had my first physical in I Do Not Know How Long. We went over my bloodwork and the summary is that it was all good. Iron, D, and B12 levels are good, I STILL do not have hypothyroidism but am showing a small amount of thyroid antibodies (which needs to be monitored now), and the biggest news is I do not show for having any of the breast cancer genes! For newer people, both my mother and one of her sisters died from metastasized breast cancer. Got major things checked, including my first EKG, and those were fine. Still no answer on whatever ails me. Last time I tried to do this it seemed to be a stop point at no hypo. Now, it's me having to get more bloodwork, look for or rule out other possibilities, and then my RN will *gasp* CONSULT OTHER DOCTORS IN THE PRACTICE. I can dig this.

3. Also on Friday I almost did a dog rescue, having come across a brown bulldog on the way home. She (definitely she) had a collar with no tags and no person around. She was quite friendly and wanted to play, but as I was consulting with my vet on what to do she disappeared. I called animal control, left a message, they called back and were going to search, but I have not heard anything else.

4. Saw Logan on Saturday with [personal profile] siduri1959. We both loved the film, though after dinner we started to realize that the usual plague of plot holes had happened. Still was a good finish to this particular envisioning of the X-Men universe.

5. Inspired by one of my students who is giving up sleeping in for Lent, I am back to working on my sleep hygiene. The last few weeks have apparently not been great, because last night I cut out electronics earlier and felt more rested than I had in a while. This was with getting into bed around the same time and waking up well before the alarm because sunlight is getting past my almost blackout curtains.

6. Bullet journal CONTINUES to be effective, so I am getting myself a few little accessories to spiff it up some. I have skinny/washi tape to live it up and tomorrow should have stenils I can use to make nifty little designs around it.

7. Still need to catch back up on Egyptian and get Paganicon presentation going. At least I have done it before so I need to weak more than make something new altogether.
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One of the drawbacks to being Facebook friends with some of the students at the school here is that I can't vent about other patrons with the illusion of anonymity. I did just get a nice reply from the student I want to vent about (bit of a drama queen) but when you're near the end of your time here some things should not need to be explained.

After feeling run down for almost two weeks I woke up last Thursday feeling like garbage, so I called out for the first time since August. I don't know what it is about a sick day but it does a lot for me on every level. The previous Thursday, when the uni got shut down for snow, wasn't anywhere as restful.

Frustration with the state of my life continues. This weekend the usual cycle played out, that I hit my bottom, had a meltdown, and once that was cleared out I could function again. It's weird and frustrating as hel but until someone can provide me with something like a steady stream of Red Bull (which does not work on me) it seems to be the only way I can get past the humps.

On trying to pass the humps, I am finding I like the bullet journal thing. Mostly because I had having loose pieces of paper I need to keep track of. Now if I could just get my brain to kick in faster in the morning...

I'm behind on my Middle Egyptian homework, kinda. I did the original assignments for the first two lessons last year when we started the class, but I have an addition set of exercises for the first lesson I need to do. And I kinda want to redo the homeworks anyway so they are fresher in my mind. Plus, there's the regular review of glyphs and learning the "order" of the phonetic alphabet which will help as I need to look up things in dictionaries.

I wish I had something more exciting to share, but my politics spoons are getting spent in FB and I never think to link things of potential interest here.
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For the first time in far too long, my lack of posting has been due to being busy rather than being too tired. The first two weeks of the month I was working days, which meant both boss behind me and gearing up for the start of the semester. It would have been so much easier had professors not waited until the few days coming up to the spring semester to put in their course reserve requests. But there is also something satisfying about being busy like that. Or at least there is for me.

The big news here is that on Friday I went for my first doctor appointment in about four years. November's election results were the big impetus for me to try to remount the horse of "what exactly is wrong with me and can it be fixed?" I'd been dreading it for so long and still so pissed at the bint of a doctor I had the last time that once this appointment was over I felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders. I told her (a nurse practitioner) what had been going on, the last round of "oh you don't test for hypothyroidism you're just fat so lose some weight," ordered a lot of bloodwork, and in a few weeks I will have a formal physical. If I do turn up as hypo I may cheer and cry at the same time. But this time I am confident that if I read as "normal," she'll keep working with me to figure out what is wrong.

Last weekend siduri and I did our Candlemas/Imbolc rite and it was just good. G couldn't make it but we blessed her candles from the previous weekend of candle crafting and they are ready for her. Then yesterday I missed out on going to a demonstration downtown because I had to work. Somehow I am over 40 and never been to one. This year is probably going to change that.

In checking off stuff news: today I changed my bed sheets, did laundry, got the kitchen a little neater, finally booked the hotel for Paganicon (yes!), and stubbed my right little toe totes hard 40 minutes before coming to work. Doing all that stuff left me feeling tired but not drained. It's rare when I feel that way and this time I embraced it. When I get home tonight I'll tidy a little more and put out the bins for garbage and recyc in the morning. Gods please let me keep up this momentum.

Blogging will hopefully happen tomorrow, and I will say if it does.
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I am so, so glad to see 2016 disappear. If I had the energy I'd do some kind of execration/burning ritual to get rid of everything possible I don't want to carry forward. Instead I just have to act like it's gone. Went out to dinner yesterday evening, and made people drool with my photo of the passion fruit flan I got for dessert. Spending NYE eating good food and drinking a killer mojito beats a whole lot of other options for the evening.

I got back from my annual Florida holiday trip late Friday night. It was a good time overall, and more fun because eldest niece is 13 and now getting interesting. For her birthday earlier in the month I got her a Tarot deck and the book Tarot for Teens. She still wasn't quite sure of the purpose of the cards so I explained them during one afternoon. The book looks pretty good too, and at some point I'd like to look through it more.

So, 2017 is here. I texted a friend last night and said it's time to for tyranny in fabulous shoes. (Yes I will be backing up my journal privately soon, saw the news about the servers moving to Russia. Have also seen mention of buying back the servers to keep in the US. Canada might be a better option, given the way things are being backed up to servers there...) I'm over 40 and all out of fucks to give.

For this year, my key word, er, words, are heal/th. Can't wear fab shoes when I can't walk in them well due to eternally low energy. Praying my visit to a new doctor at the end of this month bears more fruit than my visits of four years ago. (Super short version for everyone new: I've been dealing with chronic health problems since mid-2011 when I finished my Master's degree. Symptoms a lot like hypothyroidism though I did not test positive in 2013 and was told it was just my weight. Yeah, because one suffers from massive exhaustion six months BEFORE weight slowly starts to climb. Sounds legit, right?) If this doctor proves to be another bust, I may stay with them so they can handle my acute stuff and then check out a local naturopath several local friends have had success with.

In the meantime, today's plan is to unpack, clean as much as I can, do some divinations, blog, and figure out what to prep for lunches this week. I don't go back to work until Tuesday, so tomorrow I'll go out to buy whatever I nee to make lunches. (and again, for those who are newer, I hate figuring out things for lunch because sandwiches bore me to tears fast. Plus I have a gluten intolerance and gf breads aren't always great either.) I'll have two weeks of working standard business hours then it's back to evening shifts.

(and I'll be using DW a little more, at the least to archive.)
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*Isn't it awful, most of the summer I didn't post anything because I barely did anything. Between too little sleep and way too much heat and humidity just functioning took every spoon I had. Now the temperature is better but this week has only been so so because it's so friggin' muggy again. I don't get it. But it's nice to feel like I am making some progress.

*First big long-term goal tackled is making a vet appointment for the cats. I am a bad cat mama who has not taken them once since I got them. But they are also fully indoor cats now so I am not quite as worried. The other stalling was that I had planned to take them to the vet all the other family cats had seen. But my friend G mentioned they did not have a good rep (I guess that is a newer thing) and I remembered there is a vet much closer to my house. Originally they were going to go in this Friday but emergency has led to a reschedule for next week. Next, and by that I mean tomorrow, going to call a PCP practice not too far from my house and hopefully find me a new doctor. And, Gods willing, one who might be willing to listen to me and not dismiss my problems with a stereotype.

*Instead of the vet trip, a post from [profile] vinlandlongship reminded me they were coming back to port and I could see the ship! Siduri and I are going on Friday, along with a visit to Pandora's Box.

*The early semester rush is definitely done. Work should be a quiet thing tonight. I have some ordering to do for a collection, and the student working tonight has a lot of scanning ahead. One of our students is visually impaired so we will scan larger amounts of text for him. In this case, it's a 200 page book. All legal thanks to ADA.

*And speaking of books, I am working on improving my reading speed again. (You know someone has serious fatigue/exhaustion when reading enjoyable material can wipe them out.) Right now I am going back and forth between The Celts by Barry Cunliffe (145 pages of text) and Irish Paganism by Morgan Daimler (77 pages of text). My goal is to read a chapter of each a day, meaning both will be done long before the month ends, Gods willing.
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Now, to explain the subject: I'm Kemetic Orthodox and by our temple calendar, yesterday was the last day of the year. I feel like I spent most of it just struggling to keep my head above water. But now we are in the time between time and the new year does not begin until August 3. I'm going to our annual Retreat this year, and I need it more than words can express. I just need to pack, meet with my new cat sitter, and get to the airport this weekend.

I want to thrive again, not just scramble trying to keep the essentials in my life from going under. On Saturday I'll be 42 and would like to spend the year feeling a little more like the answer and less like a question.

The state of the world, especially my country, has me in fear. True fear. I struggle enough without that potential hanging over my head and I hope to everything it does not drop down come November.
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Yesterday I was supposed to see Parliament Funkadelic play a free concert downtown. The weather did not cooperate, in that there was massive rain in the middle of the day and around the time I planned to go out for pre-show dinner the atmosphere outside was oppressive. No way was I going to enjoy the show with that much weight in the air.

Then I woke up this morning, and not long after I was listening to the news on NPR I was checking Facebook to see if two of my friends in Orlando were still alive. (They are, dua Nejter.) I can't say much of anything coherent right now and to be honest I should just stay off FB for the rest of the day. My head and my heart hurt so much and I feel scared.

and that's all for now.
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I may have binge watched the entirety of Avatar: the Last Airbender during the past week.

Okay, yes I did. And when I went to the maul on Sunday (oh yeah I went to mall because I was all out of face lotion and Lush store to rescue) I stopped in at FYE and bought the Avatar seasons I did not have, along with the entire run of Legend of Korra.

I regret nothing. And have started binging on Korra.

Also, while going to the maul on Sunday I got stuck in traffic for 20 minutes. Wanna know why? People were ogling a dead doe on the side of the road. Really, people?! (And Gods I wish I were a hunter and knew how to field dress because then less waste.)

Then there was another dead doe on the way home, right before the exit to my house. Dafuq?

Another also: air quality was atrocious this weekend. So bad that my allgeries have been so horrid and ongoing that I called out today. Had trouble with breathing, and therefore sleeping, last night.

(I also need to remember to post things here after eljay. Someday my brain just might work well again.)
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